My children are 10 and 12 years old. They are normal children. This man does not have any children of his own and that's probably a good thing. I have also noticed how he is around children in public. He constantly complains about them, too. I am afraid of what this is doing to my children emotionally. My daughter is constantly upset and crying and my son's grades have dropped. I thought moving in with this man would be good for all of us and help my children adjust to the divorce. I was so wrong and I feel so guilty! I feel selfish! Some days I even feel hatred toward this man. I don't want to feel this way.
Dear Anna: I'm sure your intentions were honorable and you probably saw the best in this man when you met him. Your decision was probably made from an emotional state, although you felt you were making the best decision at the time. As you have found out, moving in with someone too quickly (whether it's after a divorce or otherwise) doesn't usually turn out very well.
I have noticed that some people who have little tolerance for children tend to be selfish and do not want their life interrupted. I have also noticed they don't make very good partners in a relationship. There are exceptions, but there has to be a willingness to compromise and be part of a couple, not a dictator or someone who feels they are entitled to everything going their way.
If this man is causing ill effects with your children, I would highly advise you to get out while you can or have a discussion with him telling him how you feel and how his behavior is affecting your children and the entire household. If he is not willing to be accountable for his behavior and change it for the better, your children will suffer. You will suffer.
It's difficult to make a major decision to move on and start over, but if you are seeing your children being emotionally harmed day after day, the decision will be the right one. Knowing you are making the right decision will help you be strong and determined to make a better life for you and your children.